Kichijoji.
How come only you became a doll?
I wanna be one, too.
I'm an embarrassment.
What's that?
They must be rich.
That's it.
Welcome home, sir.
Must be the house owner.
The one in the student uniform must be his son.
But he looks like a doll.
High class people look as dignified as dolls.
You fool!
You still don't understand?
Don't ride my pony.
Sir, a call from Haguro Tradings.
Got the money?
Hello. Did you get the 200 million yen?
I'll send someone right away.
Hey, Kichijoji.
Get the money from Haguro. Take it to Professor Ide.
Where's the chauffeur?
Chauffeur!
Bathroom, perhaps?
Pull him out!
I can drive.
Junior, it's dangerous.
I want to drive.
Junior, don't go.
Junior.
Please don't do that.
He is the son.
Two morons from HOPES will come and pick up the money now.
HAGURO TRADING, INC.
Are you the morons from HOPES?
Yes!
Get the money.
Yes!
I couldn't get it.
Excuse me.
Who the hell are you?
Ouch.
You're really terrific, Kameda.
Cool! Like a Matryoshka doll.
Ouch.
SUBMARINE
I am Professor Ide.
That hurts.
Sorry. Used your gag.
Money from Mr. Chairman.
Thank you.
I can develop a new project.
You're very sharp. You noticed that.
That robot performed well at the Gulf.
Want to see its performance?
Here it comes. Look!
Look at that!
It's super.
It's just great!
The robot might seem bigger than it actually is.
Don't be ridiculous.
Actually, there's something else I want you to see.
Let's go. This way.
I am Professor Ide.
Okay.
Use this and give me the cross ball.
The ball is passed to Kichijoji.
Here come the cross ball.
Waits for the ball, and it's a bicycle-kick.
Goooooal!
What a miracle shot!
It's a goal.
Hey, wasn't that terrific?
I named it Mr. Bicycle-kick.
Coach Osim.
Choose me for the national team.
No need for praise.
Come see another one.
Shall we go?
Huh?
Hey, Mrs. Koenji.
We know you're inside.
We're from Daikoku Finance.
At least pay the interest.
Hey.
PAY YOUR DEBTS
I'll kill you, bitch.
We're no ordinary loan sharks.
Sell your kidney or liver.
We ain't doing this for charity.
Pay or else you'll be insured and killed in the Philippines.
We know you're in there.
Come out.
Murderer!
Pay up!
You thief!
Pay your debts!
Pay back your debts!
Come out.
Thief!
Want more notices?
We weren't recognized.
How come?
They're so dumb.
We used our heads.
White rice with mayonnaise.
A perfect Japanese meal!
Want some?
No barking, no food.
C'mon. Say woof.
Say woof.
Then, shake.
Shake.
Come forward.
Front thrust.
Begin.
Damn!
Begin.
Do it right.
Begin.
Master Kichijoji is with us today.
He will instruct you.
First, he will show you his iron fist.
Please begin, sir.
Master, so sorry.
I said to use the thin one!
Sir, once more.
Sorry, sir. Once more.
Sorry, Master.
Straight in front, I told you.
Master, are you alright?
So sorry. So sorry.
Master, I can't breathe.
So sorry, Master.
Next, Master Kichijoji will give individual lessons.
Master, choose anyone you like.
Mitaka, you've been chosen.
Don't worry. He understands.
I said go easy, you fool.
A little easy.
Think, dammit!
So sorry.
If you can't beat them, join them.
So sorry.
Winning isn't everything.
So sorry.
Look before you leap.
So sorry.
Let sleeping dogs lie.
So sorry.
sometimes both sides lose.
So sorry.
Don't drink and drive.
So sorry.
Never too old to learn.
I am so sorry.
This coffee's terrible.
I won't pay for it.
Let's use this again.
What's wrong with this coffee?
The spoon melted.
Oh, you're back.
What happened to your arm?
You got injured in karate?
You're training yourself so hard for me.
Thank you.
Mr. Kichijoji, a woman came and left this for you.
A letter from a woman?
Read the letter.
What's wrong with you?
Dear sir, please forgive me for this abrupt memo.
My name is Kumiko Koenji.
After meeting the other day,
my daughter, Kimiko, became quite interested in you.
We would like to meet you.
Please come to the Arc de Triomphe at 2 p.m. on the 10th.
To the gentleman in the school uniform.
You're a man, after all.
It's good to be liked by women.
What's wrong?
Wait. Wait!
Wait. Wait. Wait!
For the future of Japan,
we need a man like you.
Have your own family.
Live for the future of Japan. It's the right thing to do.
Marry this woman as a favor to me.
Think of me as your father.
Please do it for me.
Oops, wrong arm.
Wrong arm again.
I wonder if he knows about women?
How does he usually spend his time?
He should know how to make babies.
You never know.
He's full of surprises.
Oh, yes. Get Dr. Rhythm Method.
When a male reaches adolescence,
sperm will normally be made in the testicles,
where they mature
and wait for ejaculation.
Intercourse takes place by inserting the male sex organ into that of the female.
Female sex organ!
Piston movements of the hips
cause rhythmic friction
and the male ejaculates in ecstasy.
Ejaculate!
The sperm in the semen head for the uterus
and the ovum is
fertilized.
Fertilized!
Thus, a baby is made.
Basically, come inside and you make a baby.
Come inside!
That's how it goes.
My name is Kumiko Koenji.
After meeting the other day,
my daughter, Kimiko, became quite interested in you.
We would like to meet you.
Please come to the Arc de Triomphe at 2 p.m. on the 10th.
To the gentleman in the school uniform.
Hey, where's Kichijoji?
He left 2 days ago.
He isn't back yet?
The meeting's tomorrow.
It's strange.
Where's the meeting going to be?
At the Cafe Arc de Triomphe.
Don't tell me
he went to the real Arc de Triomphe in France.
Why is he late?
Did he really go to France?
Yes, he said he'd be back soon.
Call the young lady.
Engagement ritual.
It's good.
Why are we taking the train?
The house in Setagaya must be his second house.
He did mention a "main" house.
It must be like a palace.
A palace!
A palace.
Oh, a box lunch.
Thank you very much.
He's quite sweet.
He is.
What's this?
Nothing for me?
Damn you.
Stingy.
Go to hell.
Mom, I was wondering...
Remember the noodle shop?
Why were masked men there?
How should I know?
And...
What?
When we tried to fake an accident,
a small truck ran into me.
That driver...
Why did he fall out the truck?
How should I know?
It's his fault.
Mom?
Is this a train or a truck?
Which is it?
Stop asking me.
Ask him.
When things get rough, he becomes a doll.
He's creepy.
Watch out.
Where the hell is your house?
I don't believe this.
Watch out.
Who is he?
Why is he there?
Watch out.
What the hell is wrong with this boat?
How long must we walk?
It's so far.
Just one lonely road with nothing around.
You've come home!
Is that your bride?
Excuse me, is he...?
He's my son.
You must meet his father.
Where is your house?
See that over there?
You live in a palace?
No, the one in front.
That dirty one?
Yes.
Dear, Futoshi's bride is here.
We'll have the wedding today.
I'll go over to the neighbor's.
I don't see any houses around.
Is this the bath?
There are no walls.
No one will see.
I can't bathe here.
Get in.
No way.
I won't.
It feels good.
I can be seen from any direction.
Get in.
Wow. It feels good.
Told you.
What's with this light?
It just came on.
Say, Mom...
Why are you wearing those?
Because they were there.
I'm sick and tired of this work.
Let's run away tonight.
How?
When he's taking a bath.
It'll work, if he's not around.
There he is.
In the tub.
Mom...
Why is he in a school uniform?
Because he's stupid.
He's so weird.
Don't worry. We can hit him with firewood.
Put in more firewood.
Cook him.
This is bad.
Run.
What was that?
The Terminator.
Do you know who I am?
I am Professor Ide.
I am so funny.
What? Your woman ran off?
So let's go after her.
I have a rocket.
Come this way.
Now, in high spirits!
One, two, three, four.
ROCKET LAUNCH SITE
All halt!
One, two.
Look at it.
It's great. It's great. It's great.
It's going to fly, fly, fly.
10 seconds to launch.
Nine, eight...
Oh, I forgot to close the door.
Once again.
Five seconds to launch.
Four, three,
two, one.
Blast off!
I am an alien from outer space.
Takeshi, remember this?
It's been eight years since KIKUJIRO.
I am an alien from outer space.
Sorry. Once again.
OK. Let's fly.
Three, two, one.
Blast off!
Something fell over there.
What was it?
Who cares what fell?
Why are you wearing my clothes?
You're wearing mine, top.
Couldn't you tell?
Look at you. You've even got a ribbon on.
I am Professor Ide.
Attempting to escape is futile.
Torpedo.
Fire!
Submerge.
That sign seems to be following us.
DAIKOKU FINANCE
I am Professor Ide.
Hurry, hurry.
Taxi. Taxi.
I am Professor Ide.
Driver, step on it.
To the police station!
Hurry.
To the police station!
We found them. We're pursuing them now.
Put your mind at ease.
How's it kicking, Kichijoji?
I am kicking.
If we are kicking, we will catch them soon.
Please enjoy the ride.
Let's do the usual. Please repeat after me.
Let's kick it!
One, two, three, d-a-a-a-h!
Thank you.
Hurry. Help!
Help!
Now, let's take the field.
Advance! Kill them all.
What is it?
Over there.
That?
Good boy.
Rocket Punch.
Prepare to attack.
Ready.
Fire!
Don't mind.
It's ready.
That should do it.
LEFT ARM
Ouch.
I want to be with him.
What?
Do you really mean that?
Yes, I do.
It's beautiful.
Maybe, people need a life like this.
A shooting star?
Doctor, how's my brain?
Broken.
Beat Takeshi
Tohru EMORI
Kayoko KISHIMOTO
Anne SUZUKI
Kazuko YOSHIYUKI
Narrator: Masatoh IBU
Subtitles: Jeanette AMANO, Richard LORMAND